Parenting in the West

There is this article on Facebook that describes the parenting style of a western daughter-in-law through the eyes of Chinese mother-in-law (MIL). The boy is 3 years old.

Mentioned in the article:

Mummy prepared breakfast and left it to boy to eat by himself.

MIL wanted to help boy to tie his shoelaces. Mummy stopped her, saying that, if the boy felt uncomfortable he would learn to wear his socks in the way that was comfortable. It turned out that a neighbor commented on boy's socks and from that day onward, he learnt to wear his socks properly.

During lunch, boy threw tantrum at the dining table and refused to eat. Mummy forbade him dinner. Boy didn't have anything for lunch, MIL thought of making his favorite dishes for dinner. During dinner, boy wanted to eat but mummy reminded him that he said he wouldn't have food till tomorrow. And he didn't have any food for lunch and dinner that day. Boy asked if he could eat after he woke up the next day. Mummy said of course.

Boy hit another child with a toy. After mummy understood the whole situation, she took the toy and hit boy in exactly the same way.

A child played with boy's favorite toy. Boy complained to mummy, but mummy asked him to settle that himself. Boy snatched the toy back and made the child cry. Mummy pacified the child. Later, after playing by himself for while, boy wanted to play with the child. Boy went to ask mum. Mummy did not interfere. Mummy told boy that he had made the child cry earlier, he got to make friends with her himself.

Boy spilled a pail of water. Mummy wanted boy to clean himself and the floor up. Boy refused and started throw tantrum. Mummy let boy have time-out. Later, boy apologized and did as mummy told.

Grandfather shared with MIL that for them, raising children was the responsibility of parents. Grandparents had to take a backseat and check with parents even if they wanted to get a gift for their grandchildren.

Oh, note that mummy may appear harsh but boy loved his mummy very much. Their relationship was not at all strained.

This story reminds me that raising children is not all just about providing for them and making sure that they have "the best of everything". As parents, I think it is important build resiliency in children from young. That is, letting them learn how to handle failure, how to stand back up after falling and how to handle things on their own. Being young allows them to make mistakes and learn from mistakes. We have to keep in mind that we will not be by their side forever. 

photo credit: Collin Key via photopin cc