Chen Looks after Parents

9-year-old Chen's parents are mentally unsound. Chen does dirty linen, cooks, bathes her mum, ensures that her mum takes her medication on time and also ensures that mum doesn't run around. She is strong. Can sense that all she wants is to be a normal child in a normal family. But she doesn't complain. Her humble wish is to eat a meal cooked by her mum. Sensible kid.

Yang Lives in the Mountains by Himself

12-year-old Yang has lived on his own for over 5 years. He tries out different vegetables (looks more like leaves/grass to me) in the mountain to see which are edible, invents his own trap to catch fish, cooks his own meals, His survival instincts and street smartness are truly remarkable!

偶然与赌博

事事真的无绝对。那天女儿跟我讨论起到底这世上有没有完美这回事。真没想到她这个年龄会更我讨论这么philosophical的话题。

我认为，只有两样东西是绝对的-serendipity和gamble.

Serendipity

从古至今，成功都是偶然的。Steve Jobs和Steve Wozniak起初只想着帮朋友做电脑。怎么知道发起了后来全世界最有价值的公司。马云只想着帮中小企业把东西放上网卖。怎么知道会发起了网购王国。从来没有成功的企业一心只想赚最多的钱。因为一有这样的理念他们必定会没落。他们会偷工减料。他们会有歪念。他们会变奸商。

Gamble

人生何尝不是一场大赌局？我可以吃的健康，多运动, 我还是不知道我几时会挂。一些抽了一辈子烟的人能活到80-90岁。一些注重保健的人却英年早逝。难怪抽烟的人还是继续抽。我可以竭尽所能，鞠躬尽瘁，今年升值加薪的还不包是我。我的球可以练得出神入化。没错，我赢球的几率是提高了。最后的结局还是得靠点运气。

photo credit: Amusement City Casino via photopin (license)

Learning Independence In Japan

Japanese kids are taught to things by themselves at a young age. The 7 year old in the video goes to school by herself and her school is far away from home. It is about letting children experience challenges in real life and most importantly, solving the problems on their own. More often then not, we parents tend to jump in to help them too early, depriving them of good learning opportunities. I know, can't help it, can't bear to see them experience failure, they are so cute? Try imagining how they are going to fend for themselves when you are not around.

Similar values are being taught in schools. Children clean their own classrooms and prepare meals for other schoolmates. A great way to learn responsibility and teamwork!

French are better parents?

I read in the papers today that 2-year-old French children can sit in their toddler chairs seat for 6 hours straight! They also start to sleep in their own rooms from 2 weeks onwards and learn to sleep through the night!

I was thinking like...what have the French done right?

Pamela Druckerman has a book examining why French are better parents. I believe in essence, it involves:

• High self-esteem - Beginning from pregnancy, they seek to enjoy pregnancy. They are more conscious of self, less worried about how the food that the mother eats may affect the baby, less worried if the baby is breastfed. No long pre-bedtime routines and they have evenings to themselves. It’s also common for French parents to send six-year-old children off during the summer to a colonie de vacance. They think if a mother’s whole life is devoted to the care of her child, it’s not good for the child and it’s not good for the mother. Not in the selfish way though. It is just them. They are here to enjoy life and they will not be stopped by kids.
• Treat them like adults - Kids eat what the adults eat and they have to say "bonjour" to adults.
• Authoritative - Setting hard limits. No snacks between meals, no disturbing of parents on weekend mornings, no immediate attention when they cry.
• Freedom - The French are strict on a few things but they actually give kids quite a lot of freedom. Freedom to play by themselves and to cope with frustrations and boredom.

Less is more yet again.

Junior Sports Academy Programme

Girl said she was selected to go for trials for Junior Sports Academy (JSA) Programme. Never heard of JSA before but it always sounded like a good thing to be "selected".

So I did some background check on this JSA. The JSA has been revised and the new programme will commence Apr 2015. In a nutshell,

• Primary 4 students are selected to go for trials. Not sure what is the selection criteria. Saw from a forum that school team players stand a higher chance. Girl was the only one from her class going for the trials. Not sure how the trials are going to be conducted as well because eventually, she did not go for the trials.
• Selected students will participate in a two-year programme. They will choose 4 sports modules to participate in (out of 12 sports in the beginning). No information on what are the sports offered but I have confirmed with the Authorities that tennis is definitely not one. Thumbs down.
• Selected students will go for training at one of the JSA centre. None near my place. Another thumbs down.
• Saw from a forum that based on the previous programme, JSA participants can advance to Youth Sports Academy (YSA) from Secondary 1 onwards. JSA and YSA participants who show potential will be selected to join Youth Development Squad (YDS). From there, they can go on to National Youth Team (NYT) and eventually the National Team. I see JSA as an in-route to National Team. 

Well, Girl chose tennis. We just how to see how it goes. 

A Toddler's Joy

Watching my second kid going through her toddler years was a good reminder. I have been reminded to search for my own child inner self. Picasso said that we can find creativity in every child. The problem is how we can carry the creativity to adulthood. I have lost many of my child-like temperament as I treaded through the path to adulthood, many eroded by the stigma that societies have on maturity and adulthood. We are not allowed to be silly. We are not allowed to be ourselves always. We are not allowed to speak loudly. We are to follow rules. What exactly are the toddler's ways?

I create my own happiness!
The surrounding can be plain. The people I am with may be boring. There may not be any toys around. I still choose to be happy. I can play act. I can turn anything around me into toys. I can be happy if I want to!

It is my right!
I cry when I can't get the things I want. I try and try when I can't get what I want.

I am daring!
I don't know therefore I am not afraid. I will jump into the water. I will climb up that furniture. I will look out from 70 stories high.

Parents, we, stop them, because we want convenience, because we need a peace of mind, we want our kids to sit still on that chair. We want to feed our kids so that they won't mess up their clothes. We want to stop them from playing near that glass door because there could be danger.

The Generation Divide

I always see myself living in this beautiful time. Our great-grandparents come from China and till my grandparents' time, they are still having like 4-6 kids. Then come my parents' time who like many of those parents in China, who were only allowed 1-2 kids. And we got more attention and we got education.

The irony is, during my grandparents' time, they had more kids and rightfully there would have no worries about who will look after them into their old age. More often then not, their children started shirking responsibility to their siblings when it came to the question of who should their father and mother stayed with. For me, it is not a question at all, there were only two siblings. Typically, the siblings will share the responsibility and the boy in the family will have to take up the bigger pie. Remnants from traditional Chinese families. Strange that when it come to such things, the two genders don't fight for equality.

For my children, because life has been beautiful for me, I will not make things difficult for you. I will make myself as self-sufficient as I can and I will not expect you to look after me into my old age. But if you insist, I will not mind :P My parenting goal since day one has been to raise high self-esteem, independent and street-smart kids. So my planning for you is only till when you begin university (that is if you can make it). I will be enjoying the rest of my time on earth with your mummy, likely around the world.

Life will be hard. House prices may escalate to what's happening in Shanghai now. Parents in Shanghai got to help their kids to buy house or give them their house simply because there is no way they can afford one in their lifetime. The traffic jam will get worse, trust me, all major cities are like so. The earth's health will worsen, the ozone layer will continue to widen. The earth's temperature will continue to rise. There could be more natural calamities. But I believe the end of the world will not come in your lifetime. I certainly hope not. You may also have a kid or two, but your parents will not be helping you to look after them. You may have to look for domestic helpers or use the childcare services. Fret not, because you can do this too. Don't forget to stay jovial and joyful.

The only person who can stop you from learning is

Ourselves.

Was trying to teach my child the importance of learning. I must not forget to not to take fun away from learning.

I wished someone would tell me this when I was younger. So that I wouldn't just go through the motion to learn for the sake of passing exams. So that I wouldn't limit myself to the things that I can learn which I feel resulted in my losing my passion in pursuit of good examination results. In the past, being a good student, I always felt that I cannot spare time to learn anything else because I was not exactly a bright student. I was just hardworking. I had to devote whatever time I have to my studies. During my university days, I have got classmates looking at stocks, free-lancing in software development etc. I thought nothing of those. Ok, perhaps for a start, due to stigma, I shunned away from stocks and investments. The point is, I should have done something more fun!

The Story Behind Everyone

There was this video on Facebook (that I couldn't find anymore) the other day that showed a person having the lousiest day in his life. Waking up on the wrong side of the bed, almost knocking down a reckless kid when reversing his car out of his garage, getting his parking lot snatched from under his nose, had someone cutting his queue for a cup of coffee and when it's finally his turn, he got to wait longer than usual for his cuppa. Then he found this pair of glasses and when put on, he was able to see the emotion that everyone else was experiencing. That changed everything. I can't exactly remember the details. It would be something like the kid that he almost knocked down was an orphan and wanted love and care. The lady who snatched his parking lot had just went through a divorce and facing the darkest hour in her life. That guy felt apologetic and forgotten all about his bad dog day. He was full of sympathy for those around him.

That was an instantaneous change in the state of the mind. Nope, we don't need special glasses to do that. I encountered a reckless driver the other day. From feeling infuriated to being calm just took a question: "Is he rushing to save a life?".

How to Teach Your Child to be Good

Prof Philip Zimbardo teaches psychology at Stanford University. In this video, he shares on the circumstances in which human will turn evil even though they always have been good. In conclusion, he shared on the mindset that we should instil in our children if we want them to be good. In a nutshell, we need to inculcate in them to be a hero in everyday life, not superman, not Gandhi type of hero. I also like when he shared that everyday heroes act when others are passive and they think socio-centric, not ego-centric. Learnings points for adults too, not just kids.

公务员的执着

我是个公务员。近几年我的工作价值观有了很大的改变。较年轻时对工作很执着。觉得应该做“对”的事。年少气盛看不过眼就跟老板对抗。中间也因为中年危机而对工作百般不满。

如今年纪渐长了，身活经历也丰富了一些。我想也因为有了家庭，房子也要来了，对工作的要求也不一样了。

现任上司对我影响很大。刚加入他时，长因为他说一套做一套感到纳闷。一方面他跟我反映说头头做法不对。另一方面又顺着他的方法照做。

渐渐的，我也注意到。那些scholars和highflyers才不管黑白。只要是CEO要的，就是对的。他们厉害的地方就是能把黑的做到有点像白的。不遗余力的做。不家过问的做。还听说有时要为老板遮过失，才了不起。想想也对。如果每个人都要依自己的意愿做事。那岂不是很乱？

我想公务员就是这样。阶级观念很重。我们在底下的责任就是辅佐上司。能提意见不过会不会被采纳又是另一回事。

想通了，心情也比较平静了。

photo credit: Autumm Light. via photopin (license)

Parenting Need Not Be So Difficult?

Times have changed. And we this generation of parents live in this awkward era. We are more affluent. Internet is prevalent. Literacy level of parent is higher. And average number of children per family is dwindling at an alarming rate. So children are treated like gems.

Saw this from a sample life purpose statement when I was researching for my life purpose:

Provide limitless love to my children and my other family members. Allow them to grow and develop unhindered of what I think is best; but allow them to painfully discover what is best for themselves. Set wide boundaries within which they may develop, wide enough where they can make decisions they will anguish over but close enough that they will know how much I love them and that I will always morally support them. Say yes, unless there is a very good and explainable answer for no. Allow them to color in their own future, not striving for any perceived expectations of my own or other people in their lives.

I sort of agree with the para. It is not just about providing them with everything and the best. It is about teaching them the necessary survival skills. The right values and beliefs and attitudes. How many of our children can be CEOs of listed companies? By the way, the traditional parenting techniques merely teaches our child to be great employees. Not so much of a entrepreneur. Following Pareto, I believe 20% of our children can be at the top.

The children at Blue Sky Healing Home are striving to just live normally. Came across some large Singaporean families with many kids and also learnt about Larry Shine on Oprah. Well, I don't think those families are thinking about sending their children to piano classes or Shichida. But Larry Shine's children tell us that they are having a wonderful childhood!

I always tell my wife that I wish our children to grow up self-confident, independent and street smart. I work a lot on my children's internals, teaching them how to see the world but at the same time not to contain them in their growth. Teaching them that the sky is the limit while not all clouds are pretty. Haha.

Will a Degree Spell Good Pay?

To me, we are seeing the early sign of over-supply of degrees in the job market. Parents are getting more effluent and more literate. They can provide more for their children, like engaging tuition teachers. It is inevitable that there is going to be more degree holders. How to stand out in the future? Masters degree will slowly become the norm. Do we want our children to go along this path? It is still alright if the education system is better. Right now it is just a grade chase and unhealthy competition. The true spirit of learning is lost by the time people reach universities. When they eventually graduate, they don't know what they want to do. 

What do I think? My focus will be sustaining thirst and curiosity in learning. I believe it has to do with making learning fun and create head fakes. Character traits like tenacity, compassion and willing to be different are key. 

Motivation Monday: Be Adventurous

For Motivation Monday this week, I showed the kids this video. It talks about having an open mind and not be afraid to venture out. We never know what the outcome will be and we will never know if we don't take the first step.

Then again, I think kids innately have this spirit of adventure and testing boundaries in them. I think this video is more meant for adult to remind ourselves not to kill this spirit. 

Doing What is Right

Showed the girls this touching Thai ad. Even tried to role-played it. Not sure if they really got it.

This video exemplifies that we can't connect the dots looking forward, we can only connect them looking backwards. Things are always much clearer as an afterthought. Looking back, we can think of all the reasons for doing something or behaving in a certain manner. When we are drawing the dots, we just have to have faith and trust our own gut or instinct. Stay true to our own thoughts and feelings. Do what you think is right.

Telling Kids about Perspective

Girl told me about her Chinese teacher telling her that there are 2 sides to everything. I rode on that to tell her about this story:

A bra company sent salesman A to Papua New Guinea to sell bras. Salesman A realised that women in Papua New Guinea don't wear bras! He was despondent and reported back to his company saying that there was no business opportunity in Papua New Guinea. 

The same company engaged salesman B and sent him to Papua New Guinea as well. Salesman B wrote back to the company saying that there is a HUGE market for bras in Papua New Guinea because women in Papua New Guinea don't wear bras! He can introduce them to bras! Notice their reasons are the same! It is a matter of perspective. A glass can be half empty or half full.

On Mistakes and Being Mistaken

This movie taught me valuable lessons on parenting.

On mistakes 

Top made many blunders. He was cheated by the DVD player wholesaler to buy a bulk of substandard DVD players, he was cheated by the pawn shop to pawn his father’s Buddha pendant at 100,000 baht when it can actually fetch up to 4 million baht. He was caught off-guard when the shopping mall chain’s management refused to rent him spaces for his roasted chestnut stalls because the roasting caused smoke to stain the roofs of the shopping malls.

If the kids have motivation to experiment and try things out, why not let them? I think I will be more worried if my kids lead aimless lives. They have nothing to lose and all to gain. The younger they are, the lesser baggage they have, the lesser they have to lose. The knocks that they get will be valuable to their lives. Lessons that they could not have possibly gotten out of school. They can put their heart and soul into whatever they want to do and exercise their creativity and innovation without inhibitions.

On being mistaken 

Top was one of a kind. His parents were not supportive. They only wanted him to study. In fact, he was thought of as a child lousy in his studies and his attempts to make money were seen as troublemaking. In fact, towards the end, his aim was really to help pay off his father’s debts.

On many occasions, he had dilemmas. He wanted to be his parent’s good child and his girlfriend’s good partner. He wanted to fulfil their expectations. He thought of giving up his dream. In the end, he followed his intuition to tend to his roasted chestnut business and walk off in an exam, he stayed on in Thailand instead of following his family to China, he separated from his girlfriend to focus on his business.

Not many of us can be so strong, to stand up against the criticisms. So by taking a step back and let the kids have space to roam, I think that is great help to the kids.

Singapore's Education System

Just attended my girl's parent-teacher meeting. The Chinese teacher was pretty pragmatic. She said if she put Chinese spelling on Mondays, no one will study for it. She will try to give Chinese homework on Friday so that students have the weekends to complete them. Some parents during the meeting were concerned about percentage of marks for exams and exam topics. Since when we have degenerated to be like this. Our kids are not in school to learn anymore. They are there to learn to take exams. I asked a couple of parents how to keep our kids curious and interested in learning as they move up the ranks. They said, "No choice...". They will be overwhelmed by homework and exams. Sad...   

Studying in Finland

No standardise testing

With standardise testing, students start to game the system by studying what's enough. Enough to pass or enough to get high scores. The thirst and curiosity to learn and find out things for themselves diminishes as they progress higher.

With standardise testing, schools get ranked. Teachers seek to get into top schools so that it will look good in their resumes. Parents want their children to get into the top schools for more promising futures. Bottom schools are left with fresh teachers from training college and supposedly lousier students.

Equality

Finland places a lot of focus on equality. Laws in Finland disallow private schools. Children go to public schools and all public schools adopt the same national curricular. So it doesn't matter which school one choose and people typically chooses the school nearer to their homes.

Start schooling later

Schools start later. Schools start at 8 years old for kids.

Play time is important

Children have 15min breaks in between lessons and have a longer lunch break to cater for time to rest and play.

All inclusive

Schooling is free and food and sometimes snacks are provided. Finland wants their children to eat healthy, learn about the value of food and learn to socialise.

Less is the new more

Teachers and students spend lesser time in classrooms as compared those on other countries. Teachers get more time to collaborate with other teachers to improve the school curricular. Learning is made pleasurable for students.

Can this system work here? A school principal that I asked said may not. He said Finland is a first world country whilst Singapore has some way to go before becoming a first world country. Are we doing some ranking here? I wonder.