I had mixed feelings but felt a huge sense of loss.
I first read about him in Secondary school history books. I was confused then. I anticipated a straightforward and sensational heroic story like how he led Singapore to her independence. I was a tat disappointed that he didn't really lead Singapore to her independence. He wanted Singapore to join Malaysia. Malaysia wanted Singapore out and that was how we got our independence. Well, nothing fanciful. I didn't understand then why he shed tears on National TV.
Growing up, I heard mostly complaints about the Government and didn't really pay much attention to what went on. I was busy with my own life. When he spoke during National Rallies or during General Elections, the natural thing to do was to switch to other TV channels and grumble about how they had affected the normal TV schedules. When serving National Service, I hated the fact that I had to waste two and a half years of my life in the army and start University later. My only impression of him and the Government led by him was they were heavy handed. They asked us to speak English and also Chinese, stop chewing chewing gums, stop littering and stop at two kids. We had to abide or else be punished. Simple as that.
I slowly start to appreciate what he and his Government have done for us, more so after I have children of my own. He curated the environment for a high literacy Singapore. Though both my parents are not highly educated, I could get my degree. He pushed for an economy that grew at an blazing speed so that I could find a job, set up my own family, have children and could provide for my family comfortably. Thanks to his housing policy, I realised that my parents, though not well-to-do, could afford their own house. I could own my own house right after I got married and sold for a profit later. He curated a safe Singapore which we could come back home late at night safely and my children could come back from school on their own. Above all, he ensured that Singapore survived after our separation from the British and Malaysia. If not, there wouldn't have been Singapore today and likely there wouldn't be me.
As I watched condolences for him splashed all over TV and social media, I wished we had told him in person. Perhaps he would have felt more satisfied and accomplished that he had made a difference to many. Or perhaps it doesn't matter because from what I read about him. He didn't not really care what others thought about him. He only did what he felt was correct. I always think it is strange that we honor people only after their passing. For some reason, this is just how human works. Nonetheless, sights of people weeping and tributes from world leaders as well as people from all walks of life have made me feel that the country has united like I have never felt before.
Look no further, we have our very own hero right here in our own backyard. He spent his entire life tenaciously realising his vision for the nation. All done in one lifetime, his lifetime. His legacy is left for us to enjoy, protect and continue to build upon.
These few days as I send my kids to school, I am more aware and more appreciative of the surrounding . The well-lit pavements and roads donned with greeneries, the well-equipped school, the safe environment for the kids to grow up in, the nicely-done-up exercising corners that senior citizens are working out at, the air-conditioned buses and MRTs...There couldn't have been a better place to grow up in and it couldn't have existed without Mr Lee Kuan Yew.
